The NFL unveils new helmets in its latest attempt to convince the world they care

It is time for an additional shifting interpretation of: Does. the NFL Be careful?! America’s favourite sport present the place we fee how a lot The Protect protects its gamers. At present’s query focuses on a shiny new helmet “designed to cut back QB concussions.” The NFL and the NFLPA approved use of the Zero2 Matrix QB helmet this week, and with a reputation like that, I anticipate it to primarily wrap round a quarterback’s head as he falls to the bottom. Because the NFL equal of the James Bond avalanche bubble in the world is not enough.

No? It isn’t like this. Nicely, let’s go to the consultants and see what floor they’re breaking with this fancy new expertise. This is Jason Neubauer, an government at Vicis, the corporate that designed the helmet, on the Zero2 Matrix concussion canceller:

“The one factor is that it has a deformable outer shell, which signifies that when it takes an influence wherever on that helmet, it’ll deform, or mainly dent in that place to soak up the influence. What meaning for us as designers or engineers, as we’re seeking to optimize it for various kinds of impacts, we are able to change distinctive places to attempt to optimize influence mitigation in anyone space.”

Sorry, you misplaced me after “warping” and “denting”. These aren’t precisely comforting phrases to listen to while you put together to be chased by American Gladiators for 4 hours, lasered and tasered like a 3-year-old does a bunch of balloons.

That will be like a automotive firm introducing its new “crippling” and “you’ll-never-walk-again” airbags. That is additional proof that promoting and branding firms ought to exist and scientists ought to by no means be in entrance of a microphone. In response to the job description, they’re good, however I’ve met loads of geniuses who’ve left their keys within the automotive or crashed right into a glass door.

Sadly, there isn’t any expertise on Earth that may forestall a soccer participant from struggling a concussion. In accordance“Whereas helmets can shield towards cranium fractures and severe mind accidents, they can not cease the motion of the mind throughout the cranium that causes concussion.”

Apart from that being the primary purpose the MCU killed off Tony Stark (God bless Kevin Feige for airing that CTE story; that is why he makes some huge cash, and DC followers making an attempt to persuade us that Michael Keaton messes round within the batsuit). at 71 is not going to be miserable in any respect) can also be proof that NFL gamers are all the time going to be in danger for head trauma.

The league ought to deal with its post-concussion protocols. He cannot cease dangerous issues from occurring, however at the least he can management how he reacts earlier than Tua Tagovailoa goes into convulsion and re-traumatizes America. He should not have been at that Dolphins-Bengals sport as a result of he hit his head. four days earlier against Buffalohowever no group ought to must, or wants, play on brief break. Oh, Jeff Bezos did not get the nut on him? I do know that is turning him on, however all it’s a must to do is give him just a few firm to play god and he’ll be asleep very quickly.

I am sorry. This was purported to be a fast and light-hearted weblog publish just like the AP article that ESPN copied and pasted onto its web site, however I have never gotten to essentially the most despicable a part of that story but.

In a memo NFL government Jeff Miller despatched to groups about Zero Darkish Mind Matter helmets, discovered the outcomes of a 2023 research. The glorified NFL spokesman stated seven helmets the league extremely beneficial three years in the past they’ve been downgraded to banned on account of testing.

Holy shit. That is a faster reminiscence than the guacamole at Chipotle or the Jonathan Majors run. (There goes my likelihood to jot down the subsequent nice American superhero film.) The protect group going from extremely beneficial to 86 in much less time than it takes Donald Trump to get re-elected ought to let you know all it is advisable to learn about how he sees the Protect. your workforce, and undoubtedly solutions the query of: Does. The NFL. Cautious?!

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